On the inside cover of my journal is a phrase I wrote many years ago:
“I wear the mask, it does not wear me.”
These nine words have shaped my thinking in more ways than I can imagine. I am grateful for their source of origin — the 1998 American film The Man in the Iron Mask.
The man in the Iron Mask
France is under the cruel reign of King Louis XIV. In a plot to overthrow the king, the three musketeers, Aramis, Athos, Porthos, set out to rescue a mysterious young man imprisoned in The Bastille. The young man’s identity is unknown, sealed shut behind a cold iron mask. Once free of confinement, the iron mask is removed and the man’s identity is finally revealed. We are shocked to discover Phillipe, the identical twin brother of King Louis.
We learn that the two brothers were separated at birth. Their father, fearing future bloodshed between feuding royal heirs, had Phillipe carried off and raised in a secret location. Many years later, Louis, now upon the throne, discovers the existence of his twin brother and has him imprisoned. To make sure no one would ever discover Phillipe’s identity, Louis has an iron mask forged for his brother.
Phillipe wore the iron mask for 6 years.
At a later point in the movie, Phillipe is thrown into a cell and forced to wear the mask again. When Athos, Porthos and Aramis arrive to rescue Philippe a second time, they fear the worst. They expect to find a broken man, an emotional wreck.
“We feared the mask would destroy you.”
To which the poised and ready Phillipe responds
The freedom to choose
I often reflect on the choice that Phillipe made in that second cell. He could have let external factors control him. He could have let the cold, hard, unforgiving iron, break him and beat him into submission. Or he could choose his response to the given circumstances. Phillipe understood that he had a choice. He understood that nobody could take away his power to choose. He may not have been able to choose his circumstances, but he could certainly choose his response to them: his attitude, his composure, his thoughts, his peace. He chose to wear the mask, and not let the mask wear him.
Stephen R. Covey teaches this principle with such clarity in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Covey taught that there is space between the external stimuli (what happens to us) and our response. This space may only occur for a matter of microseconds, but nevertheless it is there. As proactive beings endowed with the power to choose, it is our responsibility and opportunity to choose our response.
“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”
— Stephen R. Covey
Viktor Frankl, famous Holocaust survivor understood this principle well when he said
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
The masks that wear us
There are many masks that, with our permission, begin to wear us day in day out.
Habits
Often we fall victim to counter-productive habits, and like a mask we have worn for many years, they become as comfortable as a second-skin. We need to take an honest and loving look at ourselves and identify what habits are holding us back.
What habits are lounging in the driver’s seat in your life?
Now is a good time to replace the habits that aren’t leading you to your desired destination.
If you are truly the one wearing the mask, then you must also believe that you have the power to take it off and cast it aside. Use your freedom to choose and cast aside those negative habits and form new ones.
Fears
I once had the crazy idea to make a podcast about fear. I wanted to explore all the different types of fear and the effects they have on us. But more importantly, I wanted to discuss real examples of people facing fear head on. Funnily enough, it was fear that killed the project even before I recorded the first episode.
I planned multiple episodes. I made an editorial calendar. I spent hours on YouTube and Amazon reading product reviews and buying recording equipment. I spent hours looking at wireframes and templates for a landing page. But I never actually recorded an episode. Why?
Because I was afraid that it would be crap and that no one would listen.
I know that each one of us fears something. Fear creeps into our lives in different shapes and forms. Trust me, I know. I made a massive list of every single fear I could think of that haunts our existence.
Make a goal today to conquer one of those fears. Don’t let your fear be the mask that wears you. Remember, you are in control. You wear the mask. Not the other way around.
By the way, I am facing one of my fears right now by publishing this blog post :)
Limiting Beliefs
Another mask I often see comes in the form of limiting beliefs. These are the internal voices that slime phrases like “I am not good enough,” or “I don’t deserve this,” or “I am a bad speaker,” or “I’ll never achieve this goal.”
“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.”
— Stephen King
Do not let these monsters win. If you feed them, they grow. You feed them when you agree with them and when you dwell on them.
One of the best ways to silence these limiting beliefs is to have a personal mantra. Something that you can silently say to yourself. A phrase, a quote, something that lifts you and makes you feel powerful. Having a personal mantra is a simple yet effective way to not be worn by the mask.
Learn to live with the mask
I don’t think we will ever be free of masks. I mentioned three types of masks, but there are many more. We need to learn how to live with these masks as they come and go throughout our lives.
Self-mastery is something I constantly strive for. But I am keenly aware that I am up against an army of masks. We all are.
Our challenge is to pass through life beset on all sides by masks wanting to wear us. And the real question is, looking back on our lives many years from now, how will we respond to
Did I wear the mask, or did it wear me?
